Bovine Theology

I’d never heard this song. I enjoyed the verses but the “refrain” hit my like a bat on the forehead. It shouldn’t have, but it did.

I’m not sure that this is a real return to the blogging world. It’s more or less an attempt at an attempt. I’m pretty confident of my failure. But I’ve thought of writing at least fifty different times and have just never taken the time from work (that usually pays bills) to stop and do so. So here’s to not paying bills!

There are several things I’ve been thinking about lately: relationships, sin, transgenerational stuff (it’s not a bad thing, sicko!), and of course, technology…in no particular order.

Relationships – everything seems to hinge on them. When life is good, it’s because relationships are good. When relationships are good, life is. Even when bad things in life creep in the front door…or even mow down the stinkin’ door and barrage the whole house, we can still enjoy the morsels of sweetness that our found in good relationships. It’s often during such times that the best of relationship are revealed. And God seems to leave a lot of evidence in His working through relationships. I’m reading through Exodus, and continually wonder why God sent Moses to Pharaoh instead of just the plagues. Wouldn’t Pharaoh have gotten the message just as clearly? Even more so, I think of how God honed Moses through his having to confront Pharaoh over and over. Instead of telling Mo, “I’m going to send a bunch of plagues, and keep hardening the guys heart. You just wait right here and when he finally relents, I’ll let you know so can lead my folks northward.” Then there’s the whole wilderness thing. Lots of relationship issues there, and I’m not even thinking of the ones that recorded. I can only imagine my kids, “I got the manna yesterday. Today it’s your turn.” Anyway, my thoughts lately are how when relationships go south (and I’m not talking about the Israelites now). When relationships fail because of our sin, it’s the depth of those relationships that bring the severity of hurt. When I sin, it’s those who I am closest too who I hurt the most. May we be mindful, moment by moment, of how our sin affects our relationships.

And that’s a nice segue to sin, isn’t it? This past week during our staff meeting at work, our boss reminded us from Psalm 137 of how we shouldn’t be surprised by sin. It’s true of others when they sin against others, and it’s true of our own sin. After all, we sin because we’re sinners. I regularly think of a book I read some years back, Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be: A Breviary of Sin. In this book, the author shows how shalom is the way things ought to be, and sin is really everything that is contrary to shalom. Sin robs us of peace, contentment, and fulfillment. If nothing else, this increases my longing for the day that our salvation is complete and sin will be no more.

Another thing on my mind lately is the issues surrounding our generations. I’m coming to the place in my life where I’m realizing more and more how much living it takes to get real clarity. That is, our perspective when we are young is shrouded by our naivety. Yet, naivety is something that protects us from things like callousness and often bitterness. The compelling thing that stands out to me in light of these things is how we need input from old and young. In our early years we need to listen to the wisdom of those beyond us, and as we grow we need to listen to the optimism and ideas of those younger than us. Wisdom is found somewhere in the middle, often times. The practical advice of those older than us, applied to the reality of the changing world around us which is often best revealed by those younger, can bring us to the place of true understanding. This is especially true in the development of leadership. I wrote some of my ideas in an article about this recently.

I’ll wrap saying that I’ve had some real fun this past week bridging the generational gap with Leslie’s grandfather, Poppie. He was one of the first people I know who got an iPhone, and he and I have always enjoyed discussing, and being amazed by, this little piece of technology. I have to fight the lust factor with this device. This past week, his new iMac arrived, which he had me order for him. The past two evenings we have spent time together getting it up and running and doing some training and discovering together. I just made the PC to Mac switch in January, so I am still learning. It’s been a lot of fun, and I have to resist becoming a Mac-snob. These machines really are breathtaking, both to look at and to use. And I’ve also enjoyed the Wii with McGrooter this past week. We rented a baseball game to play while he was quarantined with the chicken pox (and strep throat). Actually, all three kids had both at the same time. What’s astounding to me about these machines is the interactivity between user and platform, as well as between the users. While he was quarantined, he mastered the basic skills of this game so that when we played, he pretty much stomped me in the ground. That brought a whole new challenge to our relationship! How do I celebrate his knack and persistence, while maintaining my dignity? I have no idea. But it’s been fun, and I will add that I have apologized at least once. Speaking of McGrooter, I’m really proud of his progress on the real baseball field. At the beginning of the season he experienced more than a few strikeouts. His last 5-6 games, he hit the ball at every at-bat! And on another non-techno note, he is really getting into our reading of The Chronicles of Narnia…almost as much as me!

Nearly another month has flown by since my last post. As with most everyone I know, we’re busy. What’s new?! But we are doing well, despite the continued adjustment back to the school routine. The kids each seem to be enjoying their new classes and teachers. Leslie is still regaining strength and starts physical therapy next week.

My schedule has kept me busy. My latest project has been Leslie’s school website. It started out as me volunteering to update and maintain the current website, but then no one had access to the past designer’s material. So I “got” to re-design the site from the ground up. It is mostly finished now with just some final content to be added as I recieve it. The website is here.

I’ve also been on the road a good bit, with a trip to Michigan last week. I flew in and out of Detroit, but had the opportunity to criss-cross the state a few times, traveling to Grand Rapids, Holland, up through Midland and Bad Axe, and finishing in Traverse City. It was an absoulely beautiful time of the year to be there, and I was blessed with getting a nice rental car with a big sunroof! My meetings went well and even got to visit with a pastor who (after about an hour of conversation) I realized I knew from about 20 years ago! After one of my meetings, a couple on the missions committee took me out on Lake Michigan on their boat. We spent about an hour and a half on the lake and it was gorgeous. I’m trying to get in some visits to my northern states before it gets too cold, at which time I’ll refocus on my southern (and warmer) states! I took a bunch of pictures with my camera phone which I’ve placed on FaceBook here (hopefully the link will work).

We’re getting more involved in our church in Gainesville. I’ve begun teaching the college and young adults sunday school class and we’re starting a small group in nearby Dawsonville in the coming weeks with another couple. We have also started Financial Peace University which will hopefully help keep us focused and motivated on the task of getting out of debt. Every time we watch Dave Ramsey, a ritual which Leslie keeps us disciplined doing regularly, I am reminded how counter-cultural this idea is. Yet it is also continually humbling as I am reminded of my past mistakes. So, for any young people who might read this, take it from me…avoid debt like a plague!

Tomorrow we are planning on going to the funeral of a friend from years ago, JoAnn Calderwood. She and her husband were friends of ours when we first got married. She died, unexpectedly, of a heart attack last week. She called Leslie the night before she died and they talked for about half an hour. It has been a shock to us both, but was especially to Leslie after their talk. Please pray for her husband, Gene.

Next week, I will going through a Bible study/workshop, called Living in Grace at work. It is a course that all of our new missionaries go through and is similar to Sonship. I’ve been trying to do it several times since I started at MTW, but things always seemed to come up. Leslie and I were supposed to do it together last spring, but I fell and fractured my back the week before. I’m disappointed that she and I can’t do it together, but I am excited about this opportunity for me to be challenged.

On a lighter note, I’m happy to say that my “new” little Civic is doing great on gas mileage. I keep track of my MPG with every fill-up, thanks to my dad’s training, and my lowest measurement so far has been 31 MPG for a tank. It’s never been so fun to save on gas!

I meant to write something about each of the kids but it is late, so I will just say one thing about Aggie. She is growing up to be quite the young lady and really enjoys helping. Sometimes too much for her mother and I! But we’re learning to be patient and foster this desire in her. She gets her stool (the one my dad built for me when I was 2) and brings it in the kitchen to help with meals, packing lunches, and anything else we’ll let her do. During one of our meals this week, she was describing something from her day to me. In the midst of her dialogue she used the expression, “and you know, that freaks me out!” Leslie and I both had a good laugh. She loves “helping” the Munch do a variety of things, sometimes with Muchkin’s protest. But since we don’t know how long this might last, we are learning to cherish it and are trying to point her to Christ in and through it.

A few weeks ago I received an email from some friends of mine through MTW, Peter & Stowe Shockey. Stowe has been diagnosed with stage three rectal cancer. I hurt so deeply for them. I guess I am now in tune in a way I haven’t ever been before. You can read their story on their website here.

I first met Peter & Stowe at an MTW event known as the Vision Retreat. This is for people who are seriously interested in missions, and they were praying how the Lord might use them on the foreign field. They are both writers, and Peter is a filmaker. He and I hit it off immediately as he was interested in using film to extend theological education. So we talked shop and exchanged ideas, even though Peter is a professional and I’m just a hack. We’ve stayed in touch and met again this past November at the Global Missions Conference. There they got to meet Leslie and Stowe and Leslie had the opportunity to get to know each other. Little did any of us know the impact that would just a few months down the road.

The Shockeys have two daughters, and I would ask that you pray for their entire family. They have a very difficult road in front of them.

Today, I returned from a short trip to Macon to attend the Central Georgia presbytery meeting. Leslie had a rough day with her stomach and so as she was resting this evening, we read a new blog together. We don’t know these people, but the wife has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. It was sobering to read, but it reminded me of how much we have to be thankful for. You can check out their blog here.

I had the chance on Friday, on my way to Macon, to stop in and have dinner with my parents in Griffin. They took me to J. Henry’s, and we had a wonderful dinner together. We ran into a handful of people there who know Mom and I joked, as I have many times, that I’m going to get a t-shirt made that says “I’m Jody Wallace’s Son.” I’ve rarely gone anywhere in Griffin with her that we haven’t seen someone she knows. Friday night we visited with one of the principals she used to work for and the chairman of the school board (who sent a wonderful piece of cake to our table). It makes me proud of my mom because she has had such an impact in that community. I think they’re really going to miss her when she retires next month. But I am so glad she is finally getting to do so.

I know I am rambling tonight, but my head and heart are full of the many things I have to be thankful for. Coming home always makes me especially thankful for my wife and children. They have been such troopers during the ups and downs of life. Tonight it was such fun to give piggy back rides, and hugs. Spending time with my parents makes me especially thankful to have such opportunities. Even though our visits are so often brief, I am thankful for our relationship and our closeness. I’m thankful for my brother, who I spent years fighting with as a kid, because now we are really good friends. I got to see him briefly on Friday in between church visits and have lunch with him. His unconditional love for me is refreshing. I am thankful for the Body of Christ, as I witnessed a presbytery meeting today, during which men graciously dealt with the “business” of the church and shepherding their flocks. I am thankful for the Timberlakes, who graciously hosted me in their home Friday evening, and cared for me as a friend even though they didn’t know me. Most of all I am thankful for a God who loves me, and continues to do so. I’m thankful for His care for me, even when I feel like my life is a wreck, and the constant reminders of His graciousness to me through my family.

Today I got to work from home, so I was here when the gang arrived. And I was glad, because today some special t-shirts also arrived via UPS. I got them in time for Mother’s Day, but of course couldn’t wait. So I put one on each of the kids, and mine on me, and we marched into the living room where Leslie was sitting. Her reaction was worth every penny for the shirts, and all the time designing and uploading them to my newest project, www.cancersuperhero.com.

So here are the kids with their shirts from the front, from the back, and just a cute one of them on the couch. And I got one too. And yes, the Munch has her bathing suit on. She pretty much puts it on every day within 15 seconds of walking in the front door.

So why did I do this? Well, I wanted to celebrate the fact that Leslie fought cancer bravely. She endured surgery, radiation and chemo, and more chemo. She did it while keeping a full-time job teaching. She did it with three small kids. And she did it with a husband who was juggling three jobs, including one that involves frequent travel. And in doing this I thought, “other people might want to celebrate the same thing with their loved ones.” So I created the same design with different relationships. It’s not to celebrate cancer (duh!), or even becoming a “survivor.” A lot of people fight cancer and lose the battle. But the way they fight is honorable. In an age where honor is missing, replaced instead by celebrity, I wanted to try and bring it back for Leslie.

Let me also say what I didn’t intend by doing this. I did not intend to diminish God’s glory in honoring Leslie. Any of you who know us know how we have only had Christ to cling to through this experience, and we are more than aware (we are deeply grateful), that by Christ’s sufficient grace to us, we have gotten this far. I picked the term “superhero” because superheroes are human (typically). None are completely invulnerable. None are omnipotent. But they each something with “super human” strength. And I think Leslie has fought with the same strength.

So if someone you love has fought or is fighting cancer, celebrate their bravery, strength, and endurance. Visit www.cancersuperhero.com if you want and take a look around. I’m still adding a few more relationships, and I still need to tweak the way some things are showing. Many of the shirts have a bunch of different colors available, but you don’t see those until you click on the individual item. Not all shirts have the “fighting cancer” logo on the back, and some of the sweatshirts and polo shirt has a smaller version of it on the top/back. Anyway, feel free to send me your comments/questions/suggestions.

The kids have already asked if they could wear them to school on Friday.

Oh yeah, and here is Leslie with her new hairdo.

Another whirlwind week for us is nearly over. I just returned from a trip to Birmingham this evening. The Munch went with me down to my brother and sister-in-law’s while I was gone. She had a blast playing with the boys and being spoiled by Uncle Rob & Aunt Stacy. She even got to visit the Pell’s and play with the new baby goats. Here she is going for a swing at the Pell Ranch. We also got to stop in and see Grandma and Pop on the way down. I had some wonderful visits while in Birmingham, both with churches and with friends there.

Leslie did well while I was gone, although she is worn out. This week is the CRCT for many of the students, including McGrooter. I think there will be relief when that is all over.

We found out this evening that my mom has some blockage in her arteries and the docs are most likely going to want to go in for a closer look. I’d really appreciate your prayers for her and dad during this time.

It seems to me like this blog has become more about my family’s health issues than Bovine Theology. However, I continue to see God’s sovereign hand in many aspects of our lives. For example, this finding with mom was discovered after another test that she had as a result of her cousin’s recent findings regarding his heart. This particular test came back okay for mom, but they then decided to do a stress test which revealed the blockage in her arteries. Had she not gone in for the one test, which turned out okay, she would not have learned of the other, possibly more serious problem.

More than this, I was reminded once again of God’s care for my family through our time in Birmigham and then bringing us back close to family in time for what we’ve been through with Leslie. As difficult of a time as it was in Birmingham, we have so many relationships that are truly special in our lives. I am also convicted of how often I get so wrapped up in my own struggles, that I fail to appreciate and cherish what God is doing in my life at that time. I so easily get focused on the negative things, and regretfully fail to realize that He is working through those very things to conform me into the image of Christ. Our God is a caring Father, which I am amazed by when I consider my own role of fatherhood. I am blown away by the love He has for me.

Leslie had a rough night last night. She was up until 4:30, and then slept a little bit until 7:30. Needless to say, she didn’t make it to work. I stayed home to take her to the doctor to have the pump removed. We were there a while, while the nurses tended to her. They kept telling me I had to pamper her. They meant well by it, but it felt more like an attack (as if I wasn’t doing enough). They gave her a flu shot too, and I got mine yesterday. I hope to not have that little bug visit our home this winter in particular.

There wasn’t time to get her home and then go back and get the kids, so we stopped by on the way home and got them (a little early). We met Kristin to get Munchkin from her and then brought Les home and the kids and I went to run some errands. We had a pretty quiet evening. Leslie hasn’t been able to eat much and she continues to lose weight. Her stomach and intestines give her constant grief. I’m not sure if last night was more about her colon and what has happened there in the past 3 months or the chemo and its effects on her body. And then there are all the other drugs and their effects.

Going with Leslie to her appointment today made me the saddest I’ve been. It is a hard room to go and spend any time in, watching cancer patients all around you, as they are administered chemo. I don’t think there was anyone under 60 in the room besides us and the nurses. It was sad; strange and sad. I’m sure my emotional state is more vulnerable under the stress of trying to do everything right now, and the lack of sleep. But I was really fighting back the tears as we drove out of the parking lot. Fortunately, Leslie didn’t know it and she started a conversation about something else, which helped me get my mind off of her condition.

I know all the right things to say to myself, and all the right things I am supposed to be thinking, but on days like this those seem to help so little. I am continually telling myself, “He won’t give you more than you can bear,” even though I feel like this is more than I can bear. I’m beyond self-pity. It’s just plain and simple exhaustion and inability to change our reality. Even if I go to bed early, I wake up just as tired, or the kids get me up all night, or I can’t sleep… And if I go down and exercise, and start that “routine” for the 100th time, something will happen and I’ll miss three or four days and have to go through starting over again. And even if I try to take on a new project to spin out a little more cash, it will turn in to some impossible-to-solve monstrocity that I began wondering why I took it on in the first place. I know I must sound like a total defeatest. I know better and I guess I’m stupid for being this vulnerable on a blog, but that is how I feel. And there is something in the honesty of writing this that causes me to think, ”I’m living what I’ve preached for years.”

Yep, all those years I stood before youth, and later in the pulpit before young and old, I preached about trusting God, getting through really difficult stuff, dealing with major hurt, heartache, and suffering. And all the while I had nothing to complain about. Sure, I thought I’d endured suffering and hard times, but I didn’t have a clue. And now I’m getting to live it, and fail through it, and see Christ (if ever so faintly). Tim Challies wrote similarly about this when addressing the questions of if/when he would write another book. He responded, “when I’ve lived my first one.” So in a sense, I’m having to take some of the medicine I dished out to so many others, and maybe when I get to the point of not being a total nut in the pressure cooker, then I’ll be ready for the next pressure pot. Personally, I’d like to just stew in a crock pot for a while. Wow, all these cooking analogies remind me, I’ve got a kitchen to clean and lunches to pack, and a web business to run, and laundry to do, and fish to feed, and email to check…hmmm, guess I should stuff all this back in and get back to reality.

So on a lighter note (which I need, and maybe you do too if you’ve read down this far)…Today, my ever-so-thoughtful friend, Van, sent me two articles that made him think of me. The first, a missions-related article, was funny. But I really wanted to see the original picture!! The second, a coffee-related article, was even funnier…and yet heart-breaking. I occasionally read Tim Challie’s blog (I really don’t have much time to read any blogs, let alone write my own, so it is no slight to Tim), but this post really changed my perception of him. I thought he was on target on a number of things (but certainly not everything , mind you). But as I learned about his position on coffee, and especially Starbucks, I found myself writing his name down on my prayer list. How could someone so perceptive be so wanting of something so foundational as a love and appreciation for man’s most affordable luxury? I have no answer.

But from Tim’s blog, I found myself moving to other blogs I occasionally read (which is why I usually don’t start in the first place…because I realize an hour later that I’ve just been sitting and reading). I had to share one particular post that I read. It is one of those that is that good. And it is really not so much the post as it is the audio clip (which you must listen to in it’s entirety…trust me). If you have 10 minutes, read this post by Phil Johnson, then listen to the audio.

We are still here! I haven’t been very good about posting this week. It’s been a good week though. We’ve just been busy. I’ve been especially busy in the evenings after everyone is in bed with my web business work. Thus, I haven’t had any time to write.

Leslie has had the best week I think since we first learned of her cancer. That is relative, of course. She is still really tired and has had ongoing issues related to the cancer, but they’ve been minimal. We’re very thankful for that.

The weather is cooling off and it is starting to feel more like Fall. Yesterday, I met Les and the kids in downtown Gainesville for Mule Camp. It is a country-type fair held on the square. They have lots of displays, music, food, etc… I wasn’t prepared with cash, so we didn’t do much other than walk around. The kids really wanted to ride the horses though. So I took them today, back to the festival, and let each of them ride. McGrooter rode the big horse (Mcgrooter on the horse), Aggie cautiously rode a pony (Aggie on the pony), and Munchkin fearlessly rode the pony (Munchkin on the pony) and begged to do it again and again. Afterward, we went and had lunch with Poppie and Leslie, then home to rest before going back out to celebrate Becky’s birthday.

Last night I took McGrooter to Curtis and Jenny’s for Bennett’s 7th birthday party. It was a dance party which was highly entertaining to watch. The four boys danced the night away and even enjoyed fake redneck teeth (boys will be boys). They all went home with a CD of the dance music. Needless to say, it’s had plenty of air play today as we rode around. We finally had to retire it on the way home tonight for some softer music (for the parents’ sanity!).

I’m learning a lot about “right now.” It seems there is always something competing for each and every moment, and there is very little opportunity to live “right now.” But I’m coming to realize how important “right now” is. I still struggle with feeling the need to work and do, but God is impressing upon me to enjoy these little moments we have. Spending time together, enjoying life, have become so much more important. A year ago, I would have let Leslie take the kids to something like the Mule Camp, and I would have stayed home to be “productive.” But I’m realzing that the time together is really a lot more productive than getting one of the million things that needs to be done, accomplished. It’s been good for me. And I am thankful for the sweet memories we are making. There’s nothing quite like the joy of watching the kids riding a horse, or dancing around under a black light (if you could call it dancing). I’ve got a lot more to learn, no doubt, but the tyranny of the urgent has been a little less tyrranical lately. For that I am thankful.

Today was a downward day for Leslie. Overall I think she’s making progress but it feels more like three steps forward and two steps back. It’s progress, but slow. She was really worn out and is still struggling from the effects of radiation. I think the emotional exhaustion is bearing its weight on her as well. We’re all ready for this to be over, as silly as that probably sounds. Who wouldn’t be?

She still manages to do a lot for our family. Tonight she cooked a yummy dinner of eggs and broccoli wrapped in a tortilla. The kids scarfed it up which is always a blessing. She then read with the kids, helped McGrooter with his homework, and went through flash cards of sight words and math problems. She continues to amaze me.

I’m still learning how to be understanding and compassionate. I’m such a man when it comes to this, still thinking there is something I have to fix. I need to learn that I don’t need to say anything more than, “I’m sorry and I love you.” I think this is true for so many people when they hurt. This is true for me too. In times like this I don’t want to hear instruction or a solution. Those things often seem to demean my pain. And so I need to show more compassion like this to her.

Leslie’s grandmother is back in the nursing home, but they have called in hospice. There really seems to be no improvement for Nannie. They are just trying to make her comfortable. Please continue to pray for Nannie and Poppie. I know he is beyond exhausted.

Pray too the kids would sleep through the night. We have not had an uninteruppted night of sleep in a long time.

Today, Leslie returned to work for half a day. She had a good weekend, but this morning was pretty rough. She ended up making it through work but came home exhausted. When she called I was able to leave work, due to a very gracious boss, to go home and help. It was a blessing as she was able to rest.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my prayer life lately as I observe my children. When they ask something of me there is such a sincerity on their part. There really is no fear. But they often don’t know what they are asking for, nor what is best for them. But they still ask. And with many things, they ask again and again. A good example as of late is their request for a dog. They really want one. Munchkin wants one so badly that she asks almost daily. She even pretends to be a dog, removing all but her underpants and going around on all fours barking at us until we acknowledge her. If we call her by name, she corrects us, “I’m a dog,” or, “I’m Cheyanne” (the name of Wil & Kristin’s dog). It’s funny because they have no idea about what is involved in caring for a dog. They don’t understand the difference between breeds, the costs, the potential barking at night, or vet bills. All they know is that they want a dog.

I’m a lot like my kids in terms of my wants. I want my wife to be healthy, my kids to enjoy these years (having time to enjoy life with me, rather than being frustrated by me as I struggle with all that’s being juggled), financial freedom, a return to pastoral ministry. But right now, so many of my wants elude me. And I find myself not asking for these things the way my kids ask me. I come fearfully, afraid I’m praying the wrong things, or thinking I haven’t earned them. I try to qualify everything. Rather than coming as a child, full of trust and persistence, I come with little faith and with little regularity. And I’m also like my kids in that I don’t know what is best for me. Much like they are not ready to care for a dog, I am not who God wants me to be yet. But this doesn’t mean I have to earn the right. Thankfully, it doesn’t work that way. Just like I am preparing my kids for greater responsibility, and greater challenges, God is preparing me for the same. And just like I’ll know (or will hopefully know) the right time for my kids to have a dog, God does know the right time to grant me many things that I want for our lives. And He also knows the things that I don’t need (even if I am completely convinced that I do need them).

And so I am learning, and being challenged, to pray like my kids pray, to come boldly to the throne of grace in the same way they come boldly to me. And just like my kids ask permission for so many things (or at least I wish they would), I need to pray, “God, is this your will?” Just think, if we prayed that before every financial decision we made, or before every conversation we had, or before every time we sought justice for some wrong that had been done to us. Recently, we were eating out and Leslie had taken the girls to the bathroom (no small endeavor). When she returned, I could tell she was frustrated. She recounted to me that a lady had repeatedly jerked on the door handle to get in. When they finished, the lady glared at her. As we walked out, I saw the lady and could tell she was telling her partner what had happened (and she was visibly angry. I, filled with lots of self-righteousness, made a comment (loud enough for her to hear) to the effect that people with kids just don’t understand. I so wanted justice. I wanted to go back in and tell her that my wife has colon cancer. I wanted her to know she was wrong. But if only I had prayed, “God, is this your will?”, I would have been convicted to keep my mouth shut. Justice is God’s job, not mine. Once again, I lived according to my own wisdom and my own strength. And of course, in that very limited wisdom (or you might call it foolishness) and strength, I was able to accomplish nothing.

This is a trite example in some ways, but it shows me how I really fail on a daily basis to walk by faith (and thus pray without ceasing). I cut back in front of the person who just cut me off on the highway because I walk according to the flesh. If I prayed for them I’d probably show a lot more grace. And I’d leave justice to God. Furthermore, I don’t even account for the burdens others are carrying. How many times in the past few months have I done things on the highway that offended others because my mind was bogged down with our situation, or because I was so tired? But if I was talking with my Father the way my kids interact with me, I would more than likely remember in these situations how I should act.

Tonight as I stepped into the garage to get something out of my office, I was overcome by God’s presence. I stopped and realized, “God is with me. He’s right here!” I prayed a prayer of thanksgiving for a dozen things right then because I was suddenly aware of how good God is. And then I thought, “this is true all of the time, God is always this close.” I wondered, “what if I talked to Him like this without ceasing?” I know I’d suddenly watch the stress meter go down, as I did in this moment. I know I’d see Him working in ways that I am so often blind to. And I know I’d sin a lot less.

And so my desire is to be, like my children, a jabber-mouth of sorts (no comments please, I know that I am already). What I mean is that I want to really pray without ceasing. I want to move through my life with the conversation of a child, asking boldly, thanking heartfeltly (is that a word?), and doing so continually. I need not wait until I get “the dog.” Just like I tell my kids, “we have a lot to be thankful for,” I want them to appreciate how God has blessed us, but I know that won’t stop the desire to be blessed further. I’m speaking in terms of material things for illustration, but that is not what I am getting at. Just like I want my kids to be thankful for their dad, not for what their dad gives them or what I do for them, I also want to be content in who my Father is. Prayer is such a key to this. So I will keep praying, thanking and asking, with trust and frankness, on and on…just like my kids!