I love reading missionary updates. Really, I do. I always have. But lately, after the sharing in the joy I often get a sinking feeling in my stomach. All I can think to myself now when I read these updates is, “There’s no way I can do that,” or “I’m not like that person (e.g. winsome, likable, etc…”
When I thought of missions before (say, more than a year ago), it was always in some kind of removed, far-off way. Sure, I felt some of the same inadequacies then, but I thought I’d grow (and maybe be less inadequate…or is it “more adequate?”). It’s kind of like when I was in high school and enlisted in the Navy. I had moments of fear, but it was far off. I joined under the Delayed Entry Program and had 10 months before I had to report for boot camp. But as that day to report drew near, I got that same sinking feeling in my stomach that I get now when I read missionary updates like the one I read this morning. A friend of mine, serving in a country in Asia, talked about a new believer who he’d been working with over 3 years. It’s cool to read, as a sender. But when I think of myself as a goer – whoa! It kinda freaks me out. 3 years!?
I know we’ll probably have similar experiences. Where we’re going is going to be a “slow row to hoe,” much like the Asian country where my friend is at. And that seems daunting at times. Then again, learning a language seems even more overwhelming – and that has to take place before the 3 years of sharing my faith. Whew! Now you know how to pray.
